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The Big Oh-Three

Today is someone’s birthday! And are the big 0-3. It is so hard to believe this big guy use to be such a tiny little baby, and yet it seems like it was just yesterday this big guy was such a tiny little baby. I don’t know where those three years have gone.

Every year, for Calem’s birthday, I write him a letter. I have two so far. I have sealed them and when he is older, like maybe 3-0, I will give them to him. I don’t really know what to say to him this year, but I am sure I will think of something!

So, in honor of Calem’s birthday, here are three things about him:

  1. He like MSN. He see his Aunt Lynda on the video cam, but he would rather have more winks. (If you have MSN, you probably know what Winks are.)
  2. Calem keeps a very busy social calendar, and is very active which keeps Oma and Opa young.
  3. Calem loves Elmo. Elmo rocks. Elmo, Elmo, Elmo, Elmo. But I think he might still call him Melmo.

I finally bought our plane tickets for our trip. The price went up which made me sad. It has gone up the past two days, so I got them now before they were over $200. I will be seeing the birthday boy at the end of the month. I was going to talk about the trip today, but it will have to be tomorrow. Today’s post is about someone turning the big 0-3.

Get Over It

I was talking with my co-worker who lost her fiance last month, and asked her how she was doing. She said she was terrible. Despite having several major losses in her life, this was the worst loss she had ever experienced in her life. As we were chatting, she told me that people had told her she should move on or get over it. Well, I just want to tell you that this is the most perfect, wonderful advice you can give a grieving person — if you want to be considered a complete and total fuckwad. This was the person she planned to spend her whole life with. She wanted children with this man, to grow old with him. They had plans, dreams and love. You don’t get over that. Personally, I think if you say something like that to a person, you have never experienced a deep and tramatic loss.

Yet, people in the office were saying 4 days after his death that she would have to take off her ring. She may not take it off for a year. In my opinion, she never has to take off her ring if she doesn’t want to. It’s her choice.

I remember my dad being so upset because a supervisor had said to him, after my sister’s death, “But you will be over it in a year, right?” We were incredulous. My dad had known my sister 25 years. He was there when she was born. He helped to take care of her. But he has to “get over it” after only a year? Excuse me, but some people grieve 3-5 years after the person they lost is gone. And when you lose someone so close to you, it changes the whole fabric of your being. You never, never, ever forget that person. I think of my sister every single day. And while she is here with me, she isn’t here, and it isn’t the same.

Lost your mom recently. Get over it. It’s only the person who gave birth to you. Yeah, right.

So, here is Lynda’s handy dandy List of ten things guide to supporting a person without being a complete and total fuckwad.

How To Support a Grieving Person

  1. Don’t tell someone to get over it or move on. Don’t tell them what they have to do.
  2. Remember that even when a person seems like they are getting better, they still are grieving. This can go on for years.
  3. Listen. Really listen.
  4. Sympathize, but be honest about it. “I can’t imagine what you are going through” or “I went through something similar when I lost my grandpa” lets the person know they aren’t alone.
  5. Reach out to them, especially holidays, birthdays and the anniversary of the death. Even after the first year.
  6. Remember them and their loved one after the “firsts” are over. After the first year, people seem to forget. The person who lost someone never forgets.
  7. Let them cry. Don’t be afraid of making them cry. If someone loses someone, they are in all likelyhood going to cry. It doesn’t matter if you are there or not, it’s going to happen.
  8. Don’t try to rush them through grieving. Time heals all wounds. I know that even after almost 4 years, my wounds still feel like they are healing, even if they are scabbed over.
  9. Share positive, loving memories of the person if you knew the person they lost. This helps. If you are worried about making the person cry, refer to #7.
  10. Offer to go to dinner, coffee, a movie with them. But if they say no, don’t give up and think it is because they don’t want to be with you. They are going through a tramatic loss. They may tell you no a lot before they tell you yes. In fact, it may come to the point where you say, “Let’s go for coffee and I am not taking no for an answer.”

If you know someone who has lost someone, watch for depression, especially if a few months have passed. They may need to talk to someone. It is understandable if they can’t get out of bed after a month. If it’s been a year or even six months, they may need some help from a profession to help with their grief. Yes, a person moves on in their own time. All you can do is live. But the person they lost isn’t going to be gotten over or forgotten.

Telling someone to move on or get over it only makes you seem self-centered and inconsiderate, and honestly, some people may not even forgive you for saying it. Don’t be a fuckwad.

Crazy Days

Indiana is really delivering this year. We have had:

A little advice. When you have a tornado or earthquake, the first thing you should do is call your mother. At least, that’s what I do. I called her at 4:30 a.m. to tell her there was an earthquake. She immediately knew there was something because who the hell calls at 4 a.m. for a little chit chat. I talked to my dad on Friday evening after the first storm blew through. I didn’t call him the second time, because we were ok. All in all, I think Dan and I spent about 2 hours huddled in our little walk-in closet with the dog and two cats.

I have to give credit to Indianpolis. After doing a siren replacement last years, we can finally hear when they go off. We use to have to open the window, it was so feint, and the fire station where the sirens are is not even a quarter mile down the road. This was the alert system for the WHOLE AREA, and we could barely hear it from a quarter mile. But Friday night, we were playing World of Warcraft. Dan and I were both on teamspeak, talking to two different groups of people. I had told the people I was playing with that I would be leaving the computer if I heard the sirens, because we had some strong storms blowing through. The wind blew, and thunder cracked above us. I got up at one poin to check our local weather channel. About an hour later, even with headphones on, I heard the tell-tale cry of the siren, indicating that the weather was so severe, we should go to our shelter. Knowing that this means we could have only mire seconds to get to our safe place, hit my push to talk button and told my group on TS as well as Dan, “sirens”. I threw off my headphones and grabbed my laptop bag which was right next to me. I said to Dan, “Sirens, go!” Dan starts to tell his group, “Well, I need to go to….” and I said, “Don’t explain, go! Sirens, go!” Tripping over dog and trying to rush to our walk in closet, we got there. We sat and looked at each other, and opened the door slightly to try to coax the kitties inside. I use to keep treats for them in the closet, because I don’t want Dan to go running through the house looking for them, as he has been prone to do. We lured them with false promises of kitty treats, and sat inside. I noticed I need to clean the place out. It’s was rather crowded.

Dan and I pulled out the laptops (hooray for wireless networks!) and looked at the internet a bit. It seemed we would be in there for a while. We could hear the wind pick up. We heard hail and rain beating against our window. We played on our computers and chatted with each other. We had the radio on, and heard that an apartment across town was destoryed by the winds. It started to become really warm and I said, “Is the sirens off?” Dan said, “Yes, but we are still on tornado watch.” I said, “No one stays in the closet for a tornado watch. It’s only the warnings.” So we went back to our computers. I called my mom and dad to let them know things were okay. Not 20 minutes later, a loud crack of thunder, and our internet goes out of the computers. I asked Dan if we should go back, and he said, “It might be a good idea.” So, back we went again, listening to the radio, using the computers, wondering if we would be spending the whole evening in the closet. It felt like we did.

When we emerged from the closet, Dan discovered his network card got fried on his desktop computer. That was the worst of our damage. Across town, though, people were displaced from their homes. It wasn’t until Saturday that it was determined a F2 tornado (according to the Fujita scale) actually touched down. 

Oh, and of course, it was beautiful and sunny on Saturday. My mom called to make sure everything was really okay, and I told her, “It’s beautiful and sunny out here!”

Geez, I haven’t blogged in while. Here is a quick update:

  • Turns out, I am a terrible aunt after all. I still have bought Calem’s gift. I did get some ideas from my mom, but I need to remind her about sending me a list. (Like, if she reads my blog or something.)
  • Friday night - I got a new laptop!!!! I’ll brag blog more about it later.
  • Sunday night - Dan and I were sitting in our computer rooms. It was 2 a.m-ish, like normal for a weekend that we have Monday off. Suddenly, there is a loud boom. The lights flicker. Dan said he felt a shake. I did not. Our internet reset. We never figured out what it was.
  • Monday night - Dan thought he heard gunshots but said nothing until Thursday. I didn’t hear anything. It could have been a car backfiring, for all I know.
  • The guy who mowed our lawn last year came back again this year, which is good since it seem to rain every time Dan wanted to get out there to mow, and the grass was probably was up to my waist.
  • We are making travel plans. Woo!

Gift Giving

I need to find a present for Calem. I just realized his birthday was coming up. And while I am a terrible daughter, (No gift for my mom on Mother’s Day. Just a phone call. My dad getting the same thing for Father’s Day) I don’t want to be a terrible aunt.

The question is, what do I get a three year old?

Cracker Jacks

Driving back from lunch yesterday, I stopped at a stop sign. Just ahead of me in the parking lot was an outlet. Technically, I drive by this and the people wanting to use this stop. I covered the brake as I saw the woman in a silver SUV with a giant dent in the door look to the right, then pull in front of me to turn left, taking my right of way. She never looked my direction, but I stopped. She was totally oblivious to me even being there. I turned to Dan and said, “I see she has that dent in the door for a reason.”

Then, like sheep, the car that was behind her almost did the same thing. The driver in that car kind of got an “Oh, yeah” look though, and changed his mind about pulling in front of me. His door didn’t have a big dent in it. I imagine he just had a mental lapse for a moment.

Tuesday’s Lunch

Dan and I were eating lunch, and I am looking out the window. This man walks by, and a pink baby blanket gets caught on the ornamental bushes, revealing the sleeping baby in the carrier in his hand. He turns back to get the blanket.

I look over again, and his pants are sliding down his hips, revealing brown boxer shorts. I turned to Dan and said, “His pants are falling down.”

Dan said, “The guy with the baby?”

I replied, “Yep.”

Dan retorts, “Well, it’s happened once before!”

Nothing Much

I made a deal with myself to blog every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at the least, but I don’t have much to say today.

Thought of the Day

Can a person be homosexual and homophobic?

I don’t know why that question popped into my head, but now I am curious.

Twitter Business

So, what’s the deal with Twitter? Will someone explain it to me, cause it seems like almost every blog I visit has a link that has some sort of Twitter information. People who said they weren’t going to join when it first came out have even gotten on the bandwagon.

Is this like Facebook, which I never really got into? Is it a mass IM thing? I honestly can’t imagine my life is so interesting that people really care what I am doing right now. (For the record, right now I am blogging.) I mean, what do you consider twat, tweet or twit worthy, or whatever you call it. The other day, when I was looking at myself in the mirror and thought my boobs were hanging a bit low and then I realized I never adjusted my new bra. Do I put stuff like that in there? Cause really, I think that was only amusing myself. Though I am happy my boobs look better now that I am adjusted. Anyway, this isn’t about my boobs. I have read some of the Twitterings and I just want to know what the fascination is.

Can someone explain it?

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